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Six years ago I went to Beijing for university. At a freshman class gathering, I said that everyone must think clearly about why we came to Beijing from all corners of the country, and what our purpose in coming to Beijing is.
Over these six years, I completed my undergraduate and master's studies at a university in Beijing. This city gave me aspirations and expectations, but also disappointment and confusion... Soon, six years passed. During graduation season, I focused on the civil servant selection exam, and luckily passed the university's screening to obtain yx qualification. I was excited to discover that there was actually a position in yx that matched my major, so I applied for it without hesitation. The following month was spent cramming for the administrative aptitude test, until the national and Beijing municipal civil service exams.
Since my aptitude test level was okay, I made it to the interview stage for both the national and Beijing exams! But after getting the interview, I realized how different the knowledge I possessed was from the job requirements. Coupled with my own slackness, aside from studying for the structured interview of the Beijing exam, I made basically no progress in preparing for the bw interview. Today, the Beijing exam interview results came out and hit me like a ton of bricks: far below the interview average score, I failed the Beijing exam!
The Beijing exam result already foreshadowed my yx performance: all the top talents came to compete in the peak tournament, but I was just a bronze-level player! Even now, I still can't stop scrolling on my phone and writing long posts, still can't bring myself to look at any interview material. Even with the knife already at my neck, I'm still wallowing in self-anesthesia. How detestable, how pathetic!
Tomorrow, facing the examiners, I will remember that afternoon six years ago, when I arbitrarily changed my college entrance exam preference to a university in Beijing.
After six years, I still haven't found the reason why I came to Beijing. What do I really want? If I truly want to stay in the capital, why don't I prepare seriously for the interviews? Why is there no beast inside me screaming that I must pass? Why do I want to go gentle into that good night, moving towards self-annihilation in anesthesia?
I don't know the answers. I only hope now that time flows quietly, letting my puppet-like body go through the interview process, letting the heavy pressure of anxiety disappear from my mind, letting my head that I can't lift find a moment of relief.
Farewell, Beijing! I will never again have such a good chance to meet you. When I'm in my future position, troubled by the trivial matters of a small place, I will recall your vastness, I will regret not seizing the opportunity, I will hide my longing for you in the clouds, and peacefully spend the rest of my life.$NVIDIA(NVDA.US) $Super Micro Computer(SMCI.US)
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